Blessed to be a Witness

Three years ago today, Elizabeti passed away. I would definitely say it’s been the most defining moment in my life thus far. Forming a relationship with her, sponsoring her to go to private school, and then losing her seven months later was too much to handle. But knowing that she had had such a wonderful life because of HAPO and because of all the amazing friends she had in Tabora made it a little easier.

When she went into the hospital and we all knew that she wasn’t going to last much longer, I tried so hard to get back over to Tanzania just for a few days to see her again. I didn’t want her to think that I had abandoned her and didn’t care about what was going on. But of course, I couldn’t logistically do it. Looking back at it, I know that if I had made it to Tanzania while she was in the hospital, it would have ruined our last moment together. On my last day at HAPO, Elizabeti was the final child that I said goodbye to. I got down on my knees to be at her level, hugged her tightly, and said “Nakupenda” which means “I love you” in Swahili. She gave me a squeeze and then ran off with the rest of the kids. Seeing her lying in a hospital bed would have only tainted that memory that I had had with her.

The day she died, I got an email before my 8 o’clock class telling me what had happened. When I read the email, I was a little numb to it and so I went to class and just sat there trying to take it all in. At the end of my school day, I went to the closest tattoo parlor and got the tattoo on my wrist that is in memory of Elizabeti. Every single day, at least one person asks me the meaning behind my tattoo. Although it’s a bit of a downer to talk about, I love being able to share Elizabeti’s story with people and I love having the reminder of her where I can see it at all times.

I’m heading back to Tanzania for two weeks at the beginning of May. It’s the first time I’ll have been back since I left almost four years ago. Not only is it going to be so weird seeing how much my kids have grown up, it’s going to be heartbreaking not having Elizabeti and her contagious laugh around. But I will always try to make sure that the work I’m doing and the life that I lead is in honor of that beautiful little girl who will forever be the person who changed and transformed my life more than anyone else.

Last thought: I love the story behind the photo at the beginning of this post. Elizabeti had been teaching me different Tanzanian patty-cake type games and I had been teaching her some American ones. We were standing next to a tree and I had my camera down by my side and accidentally took a picture. The photo you see is what came out of that accidental shot. I love it so much because it really shows her personality and it makes me smile every time I look at it.